Social life, smocial life

Mike left a tantalizing comment on my last post. It's something that I've thought about a lot-- in fact, it was something that my husband and I talked about at great length during the time leading up to my pregnancy.

Here's (my interpretation) of the issue: When you choose to have a child, you step up and parent. Yes, you lose your social life, you piss off your co-workers when you MUST leave to pick up the child from daycare, you lose your hobbies, and your relationship with your partner is strained as you both find your new equilibrium. (At least, that's MY experience as a new parent.)

As a teacher, I have clucked in judgement about many a parent and their messed-up priorities. I've experienced the parent that chaperones the field trip only to talk on his cell phone the entire time. I've waited for 90 minutes after school with a child whose parent was not at the bus stop and failed to realize that school is over. I've been on another field trip where a parent took off with his child and another child in a major metropolitan city. I've developed ways to get messages to a parent whose child has seriously violent episodes at school, and the parent in turn avoids me.

I'm not to the point of parenting a school-age child, but I find that I'm softening a bit and becoming a little more understanding. I think our societal expectations of the family and community have really changed, which is what I attempted to address in the 'My Social Life is Nearly Dead' post. I find that some of my friends expect me to carry on with my pre-baby status quo. My husband, who travels extensively for his job, doesn't understand why I compare myself to a single parent. My co-workers demand a reason for why I have to leave right after school.

I can't drop Mark off at my sister's house or my mom's house. I don't feel comfortable dropping Mark off at my friends' homes while I take care of errands, etc., because Mark is my responsibility. I feel like I don't have the family support that my folks had while I was growing up while it feels like my responsibilities are greater than those that my parents faced.

What I'm getting to is that I don't know where MY equilibrium lies quite yet. I feel overwhelmed by the responsibility that I bit off by becoming a parent in our situation. I really enjoy working-- but there are times when I wonder if being a stay-at-home mom would be a better gig. I don't want to shirk the responsibilities that I chose to take on by becoming a parent. However, I don't want to lose my friends, my marriage, and myself in the process.

Am I doing a good job? I really don't know. I'm just trying to do the best I can in my situation.

I'm also hoping that by overpaying the babysitter, that I can carve out a little bit of time for my friends, my husband, and me.

Don't get me wrong-- I love being Mark's mom. He's truly an awesome kid-- the way he crinkles his nose when he's being mischevious, how he giggles and crawls away from me, how he pretends like his toddler car is revving, and how he problem-solves to take things apart. My mistake was that I truly did not imagine, despite what other parents told me, how difficult it would be.

Would I do it all over again? Probably. ;)